tatalagman

2012-01-04T23:41:00.003+08:00

im sorry i haven't been updating my blog. i don't have th time and if im gna blog everyday like th past, everyday's gna be bout schl/work. im just gna make you guys bored. but this update is exceptional. a year has gone by & its a new year once again. i have been studying for 6 months straight w/o a term break & i didn't even realize till i counted back & im having my pathetic one week break now. schl resumes on January 9, don't wna be reminded about it. anyw, time flies rly fast when you're rly busy w smtg. as every year passed by. i wish for different stuffs. but my years are pretty much th same right now. & i wish for th same thing over again. & stuffs i wish for are for my studies, family, friends & mostly stuffs bout me & you. every 26/12 of each year that you've been attached t me (not like literally), you aren't arnd w me. but i don't blame you & i never did. still, you'll take th opportunity t celebrate w me before my birthday & that was th v first time i celebrated my birthday w th one i love. i sound pathetic but its true. & i just wna say, i enjoyed myself alot that day. after being w you, i changed alot & i myself realize. people that have known me for a couple of years now would probably realize too. th drastic changes is my temper & patience. i give in alot t my current girlf who have been w me for a couple of years now (not like literally again). & baby, im sorry i don't have much time for you right now. i know its hard t adapt comparing t when i have all th time for you & now that my schedule is extremely tight. but jsyk, i love you v much. don't doubt my love for you. it has always been true. just always remember why im working this hard right now. in th year of 2012 this year, we'll walk hand in hand strong & we'll work hard tgt & overcome any obstacles that come by in our following years. you'll always be my precious baby girl.

2011-11-13T00:56:00.002+08:00

still in love w this side burn ):

look at my nephew! hehe, drink water like me(:

wear hat like me too! HAHA!

i wanted t blog alot alot of things eh.

but my highness was spoilt.

i have no mood t blog anything now.

WHATEVER~ i love gangster! hehe haha hoho(:

2011-10-16T11:23:00.000+08:00

i love you likea love song baby!

& i keep hitting on repeat peat peat peat~

2011-10-14T19:56:00.003+08:00

whats loves w/o you?

all this that is happening between us.

my hearts still beating for you.

pathetic that we cant even fight for what we feel.

under control of people who doesn't understands.

feeling likea puppet somehow.

happiness taken away somehow.

people just dont understand how it feels t be taken away.

taken away from th one you love.

it hurts & it hurts bad.

still, i thank you for standing there consistently.

not giving up on us.

i love you gangster.

2011-09-12T03:05:00.005+08:00

This is my crazy friend Cheryllyl

get damn annoyed/ irritated by her sometimes.

but still, she's always there for me.

she tolerates my demanding & bossy me all th time.

Thankyou for being one of my closest friend(:

TOUCHED ANOT CHERYL LEE YING LI?!?!

one of th memories(:

look at my cake on trial exam.

& on th actual exam. HAHAH!

2011-09-01T00:01:00.002+08:00

The one i could talk too

& knows quite alot about me.

thank you Joan, thank you so much..

Always there for me..

these girls were marvelous.

Thank you girls & not forgetting the rest as well.

not gna mention names but thank you so v much.

you people know who you are...

since young I've never really been independent.

my family is always there for me.

grew older & met great friends all arnd.

always encouraging me t study & i tried.

i know i didn't try hard enough when i was in secondary schl.

& i wasn't even trying when i was in ITE.

but now that i'm here.

i'm trying alot harder than before.

studying night & day almost for th whole week.

mayb t some of you one week is ntg.

but t me? its alot.

i thgt i could make it, i rly thgt i could.

but upon receiving my results, i still didn't do it.

I've never been thru so much before in my whole entire 19 years.

I've never tried so hard before.

& i know how much I've disappointed my parents all these years.

i just wanted t make them proud of me.

but it seems that i cant make them proud at all.

my sisters are all soaring high & i'm still at the bottom.

i feel the ache i feel the pain.

i'm slow, i'm stupid & all i have t blame is myself.

i can't blame myself for having cancer tho'

but its part of the issue.

the treatment killed my cancer cells as well as other stuffs.

i don't wna be stupid, i don't wna be slow :'(

t leave or t stay, i'm gna talk t my mom about it.

but i don't know how i'm gna say.

if only mummy reads my blog.. )':

but from here on, i rly don't know how i'm gna cope w anything.

I've been keeping this t myself for a v long time.

i don't know who t voice out too.

I've been crying & crying but crying doesn't help much.

i'm sucha disappointment t everyone.

i'm sucha hopeless person.

t even bother telling my parents that i'll look after them when they're old.

i doubt i can even do that )':

i don't want my parents t look after me for my whole life.

i wna be independent & i'm trying so hard alrdy.

i let my parents down so much..

the truth t be told, i'm not having a good time in life.

the truth t be told, i'm disappointed w myself.

the truth t be told, i don't enjoy shatec life.

the truth t be told, i cant wait t get out of this schl.

the truth t be told, i thank God for those arnd me.

the truth t be told, i thank God for friends enduring all my shits.

the truth t be told, i'm sorry t each & every single one of you if i'm rly leaving.

the truth t be told, i think i'm falling back into depression a g a i n. .

2011-07-23T15:24:00.003+08:00

just feel like posting up some pictures.

feel that my blog is so dead.

but oh well, its a Saturday & im home.

doing my project.

& since im on th comp, i decided t blog as well.

im gna have my lunch soon.

been on th comp for almost 3 hours & still cant find anything.

all th cost are censored.

i fucking drink everyday.

sure die of lung & kidney cancer :(

then in total i'll have three cancers. haha!

tmr is cuzzy's birthday :D hehe!

excited i dont know why.

mayb cause' i havent seen them for a long time!

ok getting hungry, ciaos' muthafuckers!

2011-07-13T20:46:00.003+08:00

my secondary schl mates & classmate.

brings back fond memories that i miss so much.

skipping classes & hiding in th toilet.

almost got slapped by my form teacher for that.

bullying friends in class tgt w th guys.

secondary schl were th best times.

& th times where i fell in love so deeply too.

people that i fell in love deeply w are all from wsss.

i rly wonder why. even after im out of wsss.

but oh well, its all over now.

& memories are what i look back now.

missing th past all th time when i think about it.

but whats th use? its all over.

& in life, all of us has t move on.

but still, i miss my girls. Shihui, Pamela, & Jasline.

my voice in schl was always recognized.

loud & noisy. nobody could miss it.

juniors made use of me for bringing them out of class during lesson times.

& dread waking up early in th morning for student council duties!

love t do diary duties cause' i'll miss at least half of first lesson.

catching badges at th schl gate but i'll never catch anybody.

because everyone that didn't bring badge are all my friends.

catching people who brings food up t class & never catch anybody again.

instead i'll ask them t buy food up for me so i can eat in class too.

hahaha, fuck it. i rly miss those times.

& our music box in th canteen where i play th same song over & over again.

until th whole schl was rly sick of it.

now its changed to speech corner? -.- sian x10!

well , everyone has changed now.

& so did i...

2011-06-13T14:16:00.003+08:00

mak mak mak mak mak.

joan mak ♥

you've got th best of both worlds. while i? have ntg at all.. you're strong but you're needy. your mind is rather reckless. i guess this is just what happiness is. you're a beautiful mess. well it kind of hurts when th kind of words you write kinda turn themselves into knives. & thru th timeless words and priceless pictures. we'll fly like birds not of this earth & tides they turn and hearts disfigure. but there's no concern when we're wounded tgt. th wait is worth.

2011-06-02T23:40:00.003+08:00

its us again. i dont know why i was wearing so formal that day.

love them all.

my beloved mak.

always & forever there with me & for me

love her th most.

2011-05-29T16:59:00.002+08:00

My Lovely Class

My retarded friends

& my lovely clique

alot has been happening recently.

i let go. yup i let go. shocking? quite...

what t do? she treats me like ........

i can endure but everyone patience has its limits.

just wna say again,

if you rly love someone, you'll love them for who they are.

hopefully, my next love will be worth my love :)

2011-05-11T23:27:00.001+08:00

all i ever wanted was t be part of your heart,

& for us t be tgt, t never be apart.

no one else in th world can even compare,

you're perfect and so is this love that we share.

we have so much more than i ever thgt i could.

i promise t give you all i have t give,

i'll do anything for you as long as i live.

in your eyes i see our present & our future.

i hope that one day you'll come t realize,

how perfect you are when you seen thru my eyes.

2011-05-11T23:14:00.002+08:00

Cheryl Lee.

a stupid fool. haha.

Jasline Tan.

known her since sec 1 & still counting on.

used t call her "da jie" in schl. haha.

school? alot of things happened.

yup, in less than a month.

shan't elaborate further.

school is just tiring.

i don't have much time for my personal affairs.

two progress test over.

one more practical exam which is making me rly scared.

& another English paper next monday.

why is there so many exams all of a sudden?

i've never take down so many notes before.

neither did i studied this hard for any exams before.

this is definitely worst than 'N' level.

just rly wna study rly hard & not waste my parents money.

& i have planned up my future.

& i need encouragement,

not from any other ordinary people but you.

im so tired that im sick since th third week of schl till now.

i have never recovered since then.

whywhywhy, i need a long holiday :'(

2011-05-04T23:38:00.002+08:00

my heart is still yours.

& it will always be.

my love for you wont waver.

& it never will.

i entrusted my heart t you.

& im counting on you t look after it.

i love you & i always will baby girl.

2011-05-03T00:47:00.006+08:00

My Group Mates for project & also my clique in Shatec.

never judge a book by its cover...

there are so many complications.

Joan Mak.

Tay Ying.

This is for my English assignment. & because of English assignment, i re-opened my damn blog causing me so much trouble! Mr Nathaniel if you're reading this which i know you will surely be, i'm not blaming you. But its just really troublesome for me. Am i even suppose to be typing in proper English and no short forms? No, i doubt. i don't give a fuck anyway. im just gna be myself.

i shall start here by my normal blogging. So.....

started schooling at Shatec & its been 3 weeks now?

what can i say? alot happened after i started schooling.

relationships, friendships & family.

i'll slowly emphasize on everything.

my relationship, it no longer arnd? but still im holding on hanging by a thread. & i rly hope people will stop asking me ridiculous qns in formspring. i wont entertain such qns's. its my life so just get lost. you have a problem w me being gay. that keep th comments t yourself. thankq. just so y'know, i still love you deeply. & i know alot happened but please remember, im doing all this for you and nothing else. im studying because im gna be a great Chef and earn big bucks not for myself but for you. im gna prove th whole world and everyone and anyone that looks down on me. so what if imma girl? doesn't mean i cant earn big bucks. you want branded stuffs, i'll get it for you. you want sports car in future, i'll get it for you. i will prove th whole world wrong, especially them.. i've been counting on myself these days. you were not arnd for me. you weren't there t encourage me. but still, i love you dearly. im holding on, are you? & hello, i dont know why i feel v sad when i hear th song in your facebook that you posted eh :(

my friendship, i have plenty of friends. but who are true and who isnt. i really dont know. shatec friends for instance. i have six people in my clique and th people that i really speak too is just two of them from th six. but there has been alot of misunderstandings and politics gng on. sometimes i just rly dont wna care but it involves me, how can i not bother? but now, i just rly dont wna care. i tried solving it but nope, it didnt work at all. lets just all enjoy our one year alright & complete our attachment. whatever it is, we may be classmates and friends right now but in future we will all be competitors. but still, till th day comes, i will still entertain y'all w my nonsense! :D Great bunch indeed. Joan, Noelle, Min Er, Tay Ying & Domino. im th oldest in th clique but i always seem th youngest. hahah. thankq for always taking good care of me. All potential mothers! i rly want y'all t meet her & then misunderstandings will be cleared & i'll at least have lesser stuffs on my mind t worry about... y'all shld know how affected i can get when it comes t her... :(

my family, i have six people in my family including me. but everyday i come home, im all alone. isit just me? i dont have time for my family? no. even now that my life is just school and home. i see myself coming home t an empty house everyday. i've been rather busy w school and my family doesnt have time for me as well. i know how you feel but i understand that my parents are just out making money t pay my school fees. & you, you've gta know that im working v hard too alright? nevertheless, i love you, my family & friends alot. you're my first priority & you will always be. in my friends & family, there's always you arnd.

i cant mention your name here but i can tell you how much i love you. but im sorry. because no words can describe how much i love you & no words can describe how much pain im gng thru now that you're no longer here for me. & baby, all i ever wanted was for us t be happy... seeing your picture or name arnd still makes me smile t myself. i love you.

im done w my post. so emotional but still, its all i can think off right now. every week you'll be seeing a post like this because i gta post every week for my English assignment. w-e-i-r-d much huh. its 1.47am right now & i've got t continue w my notes. ciaos'

2011-05-03T00:06:00.005+08:00

so many pictures that i haven't uploaded.

kindly grab pictures from here(:

will notify y'all.

like to see them working.

because..... oh well, i know th reason to it(: haha!

Jiajiajiajiajiajia! hehe.

woi, when wna go zoo siak!

2011-03-04T23:57:00.004+08:00

Captain Loh Yanqi & i. HAHA!