The Sweetness of Love

Thursday, May 29, 2014

if only

there are so many "if only's" in my mind.

• if only you'd tell me whats gng on truthfully.

• if only you'd rly regard me as your own dearly.

• if only you'd control me like you care alot. (not all th time tho')

• if only you'd be proud t have me.

• if only you'd say you love me when people qns's you.

• if only you'd be there for me physically when im down.

• if only you'd express t me how impt i am.

• if only you know what im always thinking.

• if only you know what im bothered about.

• if only you'd be honest w me t why you're unprepared.

• if only you'd go into details everytime you tell me smtg & not just summarize it.

etc; etc.

but its okay t me. im fine w it. i just prolly need somewhere t rant at as i dont confide my friends much anymore. they are alrdy bothered enough by their own situations in life. but i'll definitely be there for them when they need me such as drinking tgt.

you're back from overseas & im contented. but i just dont know how t express how overjoyed i am. but i love you, i seldom say "i love you" anymore bc prolly sometimes, i say t many times. i dont have t say "i love you" every night for you t know that i love you. im gng t stay just right here being myself hoping you'd reach out t me & get me. but nah, it'll never happen. bc knowing you, you keep everyth t yourself. & again, im fine w it. im just a little bothered by it bc i dont know what are you keeping from me. but im happy if you are.

i trust you when you say you love me. i trust you when you said you put me first before him. i trust you when you said you dont love him as much as you love me. i trust you when you said he's good but im better. i trust you in everyth you do. just that sometimes i dont appear that i trust you. but somewhere deep down in me, i do.

one day i hope i have th courage t tell you everyth but nah i dont. you'd probably ignore me again. i no longer dare t voice out my thgts. which is not a bad thing tho' bc at least i know im not bothering you from anyth anymore. just live your life freely. & i'll be happy t see that ☺️

Labels: Love is all about sacrifices

after two years

this is th only place i can rant at & not alot people will know. well, its been two years or more since ive blogged. alot of things have changed i can say.

im now single but gng after a v wonderful young girl. she may be young but i know how perfect she is. i see th perfection in her that no one else can. people judge me for almost everyth & im getting pretty used t it. & i rly dont bother how bad people discriminate or ostracize me bc i know that i rly love her & ntg would change that. she's probably one of th miracles in my life..

im saying that not bc i want t sound cliche or anyth but its true bc after my previous r/s, i stopped believing in love. girls that came by, i pampered them & then i let them drift off slowly. i mean, i love seeing people being happy. & t me at that point of time, for me t be happy was t see others happy. i do things such as working w kids just t see them smile, doing voluntary work t help needy people overseas.

i even helped my own children cancer foundation w hair for hope. thats where i went back t my own secondary schl for talk & that was where i met her. she brightened up th whole hall. despite so many people i was facing & talking t. i saw her sat there but i didnt bother much back then. till one day, she followed me on instagram. i didnt realize it was her at first. so several days passed by & i kept gng into her acct bc she looked rly familiar. then i remembered that she was th one that i saw during th talk out of all th people.

aftermath, i got her number but i shall skip th part on how i got her number bc its a little embarrassing. i still remembered it was 12/08/13 where we first started texting continuously up till today. it has been nine months. we've been thru quite alot i can say. ups & downs, you name it. we're more of a pair thats in love w/o a status. people that are reading this might probably wonder why arent we tgt.

well, at first when i started off this courtship i wasnt prepared for another

commitment as well bc my previous r/s was crap. neither did i thgt that i'd still be here w her today. i thgt all i would do was t make her sad soul happy. bc i love seeing people smile, especially hers. months passed & i felt that warmth, cuddly & everyth a happy person shld feel. then i thgt, this girl makes me happy & i mean it. so i decided t commit into a r/s once more. i mean afterall, she's pretty nice t me. but there was one thing i wasnt sure about. was if she loved me too.

so it was valentine's day & i sent her postcards asking her if she would be my girlf along w a present. & i didnt get a reply for days/weeks/months. everytime i asked her, she would jump off th topic. it was pretty obvious that she was avoiding it. but i understand clearly how hard it is for her. so i shook it off my mind. & continued being how it is & a few months later had passed & i asked again. this time w a long text. & this time round she replied. but she said she was unprepared. (none of my friends know this & im sorry ya, i still love you girls!)

well, at least now i know she loves me tho' but it still isnt th right time i suppose. i just got t be a little more patient & wait on. my friends are all surprise over th change in me. i wait for no souls if we arent behaving likea couple (physically) & in this case we arent. but im still waiting on. th reason why i wait for people that i behave physically w is bc i feel th need t. its likea responsibility. you cant just touch someone & leave them right? its like bringing them up a tree & leaving them there & they have no choice but t jump down & get hurt. same logic applies.

so for her, i rly think she makes me do more than i think i can or would. she brings me out of my shell. she makes me feel comfortable. she's honestly someone i dont expect t love at first sight. but love is all about loving all perfections & imperfections & thats what we are. if i ever lose her ever.. i'd be in a mess.

there are so many concerns to me & its that, people get tired eventually. & im afraid, what if? & also, i do not know how much stronger or weaker i can get. how long more i'd be alive? what if i happen t get into an accident later on? would you be living in regrets? if any of such things happen one day, i just want you t know that i honestly love you. & i have never cheated on you before for this nine months that we've been in contact & never would i cheat on you for th further counting months.

God brought us tgt for you t arrange my life in line for me & t brush up my mother tongue & for me t brush up your english. thank you for appearing during my hardest times & encouraging me throughout. thank you for enduring all my bullshits when its so unbearable. i'll always be here for you if you need me. anytime, anywhere. im just a call away.

one day i hope i'd be able t ask you confidently "would you be my girlf?" w confidence that you'd answer "yes!"

i just hope th one day would be soon..

Labels: Asshole's


Me. Renytta Lagman people call me tata(: 26th december 1992 Shatec(Diploma Pastry Baking 411) am half pinoy! :D Twitter. Formspring. <a href="http://www.formspring.me/tatalagman">http://www.formspring.me/tatalagman</a> Exits. Lovable People \m/ LAGMANS AdelineLagman AngelettaLagman ITE Jieying Weiling Brandon Yanyi WSSS Pamela Shihui Jiaqi Jiening Eileen Stacia Esther Jayden AmandaCelestina AmandaPng AndySeah Ain Athirah Aloy AnsonOng Amira Acha Azeerah AdelToh AlinaHar Beatrice BeatriceTan BenChay Binni Connie Chingying Charmaine Clarisa ChowChin Charlene CharmaineSoh Christina Caimei Carene Keh Crystal Khoo Daphne Dhirah Doreen Dalton EverlynTan Enwei Eunice Emily Erwin Elizabeth Farah Fanghong Fiona FarahLiyana Fengying Ferlicia Ferline Farhannah Geraldine Gwendolyn Gwen Wong Guoli Huixian Haaziq Hweekhim Hamdi Indra Ivory Jeanie Jaliza Jiajia Junwei Judith Judy Joonkiat Joanna Jolynn Joey Joseph Jovan Jovin Jiayu JoanneLZH Kai Ting Karen Kimberly Kaiwen Kok Loong Kerri Kim KellyBei Lisa Limin Lehui Leepoh Leonard Tan Liting Lysa Minhui Marfie MelissaNg MichelleYeo MichelleLim Minyi Maisarah Mindy Noel Nianting NatalieLim NatalieTan NoelleLim Priscilla Peipei Pohching Qishan Qiujuan Rowenna Regine Rebecca Yong Sabrina Shermaine Samantha Szehui Shikin Side Sarah Sinyi Stella Soh Sophia Sebastian Shiqi ShafiqAshraf Syarifah Shah Indra SylviaLim Sherilyn Shana Seraphine Siti NurSyafiqah SylviaLiew Tingyew Terrence Tifanny Vivian Wanling Wanqian Warda Wenjie Tyler Xinhua Xxshihui Xiaomell Xuanwei Xiuyi Yanqi Yuanmei Yokchan Yuenlenq Yujuan Yunrui Yvonne Yiwei Youzhen Yuenyung Yuenman Zeila Zul Zhicheng Zaliha Zhenyi Zhihao Music. Past. May 2014 June 2014 September 2014 October 2014	Thursday, May 29, 2014 if only there are so many "if only's" in my mind. • if only you'd tell me whats gng on truthfully. • if only you'd rly regard me as your own dearly. • if only you'd control me like you care alot. (not all th time tho') • if only you'd be proud t have me. • if only you'd say you love me when people qns's you. • if only you'd be there for me physically when im down. • if only you'd express t me how impt i am. • if only you know what im always thinking. • if only you know what im bothered about. • if only you'd be honest w me t why you're unprepared. • if only you'd go into details everytime you tell me smtg & not just summarize it. etc; etc. but its okay t me. im fine w it. i just prolly need somewhere t rant at as i dont confide my friends much anymore. they are alrdy bothered enough by their own situations in life. but i'll definitely be there for them when they need me such as drinking tgt. you're back from overseas & im contented. but i just dont know how t express how overjoyed i am. but i love you, i seldom say "i love you" anymore bc prolly sometimes, i say t many times. i dont have t say "i love you" every night for you t know that i love you. im gng t stay just right here being myself hoping you'd reach out t me & get me. but nah, it'll never happen. bc knowing you, you keep everyth t yourself. & again, im fine w it. im just a little bothered by it bc i dont know what are you keeping from me. but im happy if you are. i trust you when you say you love me. i trust you when you said you put me first before him. i trust you when you said you dont love him as much as you love me. i trust you when you said he's good but im better. i trust you in everyth you do. just that sometimes i dont appear that i trust you. but somewhere deep down in me, i do. one day i hope i have th courage t tell you everyth but nah i dont. you'd probably ignore me again. i no longer dare t voice out my thgts. which is not a bad thing tho' bc at least i know im not bothering you from anyth anymore. just live your life freely. & i'll be happy t see that ☺️ Labels: Love is all about sacrifices 10:12 PM · after two years this is th only place i can rant at & not alot people will know. well, its been two years or more since ive blogged. alot of things have changed i can say. im now single but gng after a v wonderful young girl. she may be young but i know how perfect she is. i see th perfection in her that no one else can. people judge me for almost everyth & im getting pretty used t it. & i rly dont bother how bad people discriminate or ostracize me bc i know that i rly love her & ntg would change that. she's probably one of th miracles in my life.. im saying that not bc i want t sound cliche or anyth but its true bc after my previous r/s, i stopped believing in love. girls that came by, i pampered them & then i let them drift off slowly. i mean, i love seeing people being happy. & t me at that point of time, for me t be happy was t see others happy. i do things such as working w kids just t see them smile, doing voluntary work t help needy people overseas. i even helped my own children cancer foundation w hair for hope. thats where i went back t my own secondary schl for talk & that was where i met her. she brightened up th whole hall. despite so many people i was facing & talking t. i saw her sat there but i didnt bother much back then. till one day, she followed me on instagram. i didnt realize it was her at first. so several days passed by & i kept gng into her acct bc she looked rly familiar. then i remembered that she was th one that i saw during th talk out of all th people. aftermath, i got her number but i shall skip th part on how i got her number bc its a little embarrassing. i still remembered it was 12/08/13 where we first started texting continuously up till today. it has been nine months. we've been thru quite alot i can say. ups & downs, you name it. we're more of a pair thats in love w/o a status. people that are reading this might probably wonder why arent we tgt. well, at first when i started off this courtship i wasnt prepared for another commitment as well bc my previous r/s was crap. neither did i thgt that i'd still be here w her today. i thgt all i would do was t make her sad soul happy. bc i love seeing people smile, especially hers. months passed & i felt that warmth, cuddly & everyth a happy person shld feel. then i thgt, this girl makes me happy & i mean it. so i decided t commit into a r/s once more. i mean afterall, she's pretty nice t me. but there was one thing i wasnt sure about. was if she loved me too. so it was valentine's day & i sent her postcards asking her if she would be my girlf along w a present. & i didnt get a reply for days/weeks/months. everytime i asked her, she would jump off th topic. it was pretty obvious that she was avoiding it. but i understand clearly how hard it is for her. so i shook it off my mind. & continued being how it is & a few months later had passed & i asked again. this time w a long text. & this time round she replied. but she said she was unprepared. (none of my friends know this & im sorry ya, i still love you girls!) well, at least now i know she loves me tho' but it still isnt th right time i suppose. i just got t be a little more patient & wait on. my friends are all surprise over th change in me. i wait for no souls if we arent behaving likea couple (physically) & in this case we arent. but im still waiting on. th reason why i wait for people that i behave physically w is bc i feel th need t. its likea responsibility. you cant just touch someone & leave them right? its like bringing them up a tree & leaving them there & they have no choice but t jump down & get hurt. same logic applies. so for her, i rly think she makes me do more than i think i can or would. she brings me out of my shell. she makes me feel comfortable. she's honestly someone i dont expect t love at first sight. but love is all about loving all perfections & imperfections & thats what we are. if i ever lose her ever.. i'd be in a mess. there are so many concerns to me & its that, people get tired eventually. & im afraid, what if? & also, i do not know how much stronger or weaker i can get. how long more i'd be alive? what if i happen t get into an accident later on? would you be living in regrets? if any of such things happen one day, i just want you t know that i honestly love you. & i have never cheated on you before for this nine months that we've been in contact & never would i cheat on you for th further counting months. God brought us tgt for you t arrange my life in line for me & t brush up my mother tongue & for me t brush up your english. thank you for appearing during my hardest times & encouraging me throughout. thank you for enduring all my bullshits when its so unbearable. i'll always be here for you if you need me. anytime, anywhere. im just a call away. one day i hope i'd be able t ask you confidently "would you be my girlf?" w confidence that you'd answer "yes!" i just hope th one day would be soon.. Labels: Asshole's 1:50 PM ·